This is the time of year when everyone is asking about new year’s resolutions. As if this is the only or best time to consider making goals and starting healthy habits. It’s a cultural invitation to zoom out from our lives and acknowledge where we are according to our internal GPS. Many people don’t bother, but many want to see some sort of growth or change. While we certainly aren’t limited to Januarys, the collective conversations can stir up some big questions.
Have I decided my desired destination?
Am I chugging along the winding road or struggling up a steep hill?
Or am I getting so caught up in the alternative route options that I get overwhelmed and never actually press “go?”
These are all relatable questions around goals and the pressure of “new year, new me!” As a MindBodySpirit Coach, I witness goals get brainstormed, strategized, and executed all year-round. Unless we’re really really uncomfortable, most people only reconsider their options when the ball drops. People want to lose weight, start a business, learn an instrument - the list goes on and on.
The high of excitement to imagine real change is incredible fuel for the psyche. We feel like we’re going to burst at the idea of that dream job, appearance, or relationship we want to achieve. If I can make “x” happen, all my problems will just disappear! Life will be easy once I get “y” habit in check.
Then why are New Year’s Resolutions notoriously hard to keep?
We start the habit, maybe even log a few days or weeks on our habit tracker of choice, and then we miss a day. Two days. Shame about not committing starts to kick in. The ego’s fearful voice of failing the ultimate goal starts to get loud as it attempts to protect you from disappointment. All of a sudden, that high is dwindling and the goal is shifting back into the idea of a dream.
Better luck next year? I say why wait that long?
It’s never too late to take action in the direction of a goal. It’s even better to self-reflect if your goal is even the right one for you. Reevaluating your “why” behind the goal is always a good thing. Sometimes seemingly failed attempts (especially repeated ones) are really just feedback that this isn’t the best direction for you after all. Or at least not the right vehicle to get you there.
Once I have my desired destination, I just put it in the internal GPS, right?
Goals need to be measurable to be realistic. You must be able to calculate them to track any real progress. Otherwise, that habit is going to fly like the wind.
Common goals I hear are becoming an entrepreneur and finding more joy in life. These are beautiful goals, but you need directions in order to get there. Goals like “running your own business” and “happiness” are vague. Get clear. What does that mean to YOU? Let’s practice breaking these down.
Running a Business as a Goal
Remember what we said about defining a destination? Notice how “running a business” is an action: “running.” If that’s your goal, it’s important to define what would have to happen to measurably mean running a business to YOU. Not grandpa or a rando on Instagram.
What type of interactions, creations, or solutions do you feel called to make? (Not told to make, the kinds that make you want to get out of bed in the morning.)
What would it look like for you to be in charge of your vision?
What resources do you have available to you at this moment (not limited to monetary resources)?
Get those wheels turning. The numbers will come later but for now, get solid on what kind of business you would even want to run. What vision you would be willing to flip your life around to make a reality. What your daily calendar would look like down to the morning routine, mealtimes, and type of work and social schedule.
Let’s keep digging…
Starting or running any sort of business is going to have its challenges. What is something that’s going to be so worth it that it acts like a surefire lighthouse?
What interactions light you up? What problems do you get a thrill out of solving?
If you were at the helm with no advisors or expectations to cater to, how would your vision look/sound/feel? See it. The location, the events, the decorations, the conversations…
What options do you have at your fingertips in and outside of your wallet? Money is far from the only ingredient for success. Who makes up your support group? Who do you go to for mentorship or guidance? Ideally, that is someone who has achieved something similar to or beyond your ultimate goal. What chunks of your schedule can be devoted most effectively to stay productive without crashing?
People get so excited for the destination that they just get on the road and hope they’ll figure it out. But the clearer your intentions are, the more detail in which you can see where you’re headed, the easier time you’ll have navigating your way there. Imagine taking a road trip without a map and just following road signs. You may get there eventually, but a pre-programmed route could have shortened the car ride by hours! (And in life, often years!)
Happiness as a Goal
Let’s talk about less tangible goals. If someone wants to feel happier on a daily basis, what is that destination? What does that mean? Happiness isn’t stationary. It isn’t a place we can plug into our GPS. Happiness for one person may be complete suffering to another. So what constitutes happiness to YOU?
What are people, media, places, experiences that make you smile with your eyes?
What activities give you more energy rather than take away energy?
What movies, books, or foods do you consume when nobody is watching?
Write down whatever comes to mind. These are chunks of solid gold, dear treasure hunter. Take those answers and dissect them even more closely…
What is it about these things that make you smile or laugh? Maybe love, spontaneity, fleeting moments?
When you are filled with this new creative energy, what do you feel? Maybe liberated, powerful, unique? What else?
What about these things bring you pleasure? What emotions, memories, or comforts do they offer you?
From here, you can start to break down the key pieces to your personal gold mine for happiness. Some might take a little more digging or be a bit deceptive.
Here’s a personal example. I used to be so embarrassed about my “guilty pleasure” of watching little kid movies even though I was supposedly a grown-up. I thought it was so stupid that I’d tear up when Thumbelina reunites with her true love, Prince Cornelius, when they’d only just met and sang one song together. Then I asked myself some of these prompts.
Why did this story make me smile? Because even though the romantic notions were humorously naive, she goes on a monumental journey of self-discovery and emerges an entirely new evolution of herself.
Why did I feel so rejuvenated by this film? Because this decades-old movie was a reminder that all of these movies were developed by hundreds of “grown-ups” who sought to tell stories and inspire children to seek their truth amidst adversity. Because it reminded me that staying true to what and who you love is a source of strength, not weakness.
Why did this past time speak to me so deeply? Because as years passed, I “grew up” from having my heart broken by people and experiences over and over. The naivety of Thumbelina’s whimsical romance is exactly what reminded me that we must follow our hearts and take the journey to learn what is important to us. Sometimes an unexpected outcome is better than one could have ever imagined themselves. In her case, standing up for herself instead of giving up on finding love and home.
Call me cheesy, but once I understood how these seemingly silly movies were resonating with me so deeply, I rearranged the way I looked at guilty pleasures and ultimately happiness. Rather than trying to secure a steady career, perfect relationship, and sunny postcard-looking life, I made lists of more and more things that brought me that Thumbelina kind of joy. Things that reminded me what it means to be human and why it’s so totally worth it.
New Year’s Resolutions Ideas Brainstorm Sesh
My hope is that your mind is ticking with New Year’s resolutions ideas and allowing your heart to chime into the brainstorm session as well. Goals are a beautiful and necessary part of manifesting anything that you desire. The more clear we are on what we want and why, the better our chances are of creating it. When we’re crystal clear on it, life has no choice but to give it to us.
Think about it. When you’re hungry and starving for a tasty meal but don’t know what you want, how long does it take to get dinner on the table? If you swirl around in the possibilities of Thai or pizza or a salad, your stomach is left demanding louder and louder until you ultimately make a decision. It can’t go and eat something while you figure out what you want.
Our hearts and minds work the same way. You have to be clear on what you want for it to become real. It’s not about how much we want it, it’s about how well we know what we want. If you can get clear on those ideas, the opportunities will start cropping up organically. You’ll see them as they arrive as signposts along your road trip.
Don’t let new year’s resolutions be a random goal that you think you’re supposed to reach for. Aim high, shoot wisely, and strike gold.
Want a nonjudgmental space to further explore prompts like the ones above? MindBodySpirit Coaching offers one-on-one sessions with 1) powerful questions tailored to where you are on your journey, 2) relevant guided exercises and meditations to discover and dissolve mental or energetic blocks, and 3) support with accountability taking action steps towards your personal or professional goals.
Happy New Year lovelies, 🎉
Abigail
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